Let me start by saying I do not have an eating disorder. I just don’t like food very much. The entire process of meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking, and doing dishes, and eating, and cleaning up the mess, and leftovers — it is exhausting.
And there’s nothing rewarding about eating. Sure, some food tastes good but to be honest, I have better things to do. Most days I don’t even bother. I may eat one meal at the end of the day but that’s about it.
And don’t get me started about the feeling of being full. I can’t stand it. There’s nothing worse than having breakfast or lunch and the accompanied groggy tired sluggish feeling of being full when I am most likely in the midst of trying to get things accomplished.
It feels heavy and uncomfortable. It’s a waste of time.
I also don’t like deciding what to eat. It’s easier to eat the same boring meal for days than trying to figure out a varied and healthy meal plan.
I know there are a lot of people who enjoy cooking and savoring a delicious homecooked meal and there are those who view eating as entertainment god help them but I am not one of those people.
For me, eating is the laborious act of giving my body just enough nutrition to stave off hunger. That’s the whole game. It is a chore. Nothing else.
And as far as eating out? No thanks. Not my cup of tea. I mean, it’s okay once in a while but for the most part, I would rather stay home than have to go through the rigamarole of getting dressed up, and deciding where to eat, and what to order, and so forth.
Not to mention, the portion sizes at most restaurants are ridiculously large. Too large. There’s no way I’m going to be able to eat that much food and walk out of the joint feeling good about myself. I am going to be in agony and I can't believe I am going out of my way to pay someone to feed me like I am an elephant.
The worst part about food has to be the food itself. The crap they put in it is insane.
You literally have to stand in the middle of the grocery aisle reading every disgusting-man-made-factory-sewage-slop ingredient they toss in food in hopes of not buying something that will put you into an early grave. The preservatives, the gluten, the high fructose corn shit industrial waste oils that are passed off as food — it’s enough to make you want to vom.
And if it’s remotely healthy, they label it like it’s a badge of honor. ‘Gluten Free’ and ‘100% Organic’ it says, merely highlighting the sad state of commercialized sustenance.
I wonder how many hours the average person spends during their lifetime eating, dieting, and shitting? It has to be a lot. I don’t even want to think about it.
And then there are the food pushers. Similar to drug pushers, these people invite you to their party or picnic and spend their time begging you to eat their food.
“Did you get something to eat?” “ There’s food over there you know.” “Don’t walk away hungry.”
These do-gooders will guilt you into eating with no respect for your personal gastrointestinal boundaries under the pretense of being social and having a good time.
You should see the look on these people’s faces when you use the excuse: “No thanks, I just ate.”
The level of disappointment and hurt these people experience at that moment is unreal. The nerve of you to not starve yourself for three days because of my upcoming cookout! They are horrified at how rude you are for not eating their food.
Please. If you are one of these people. Just stop.
Anyways, I don’t like eating. And I won’t go any farther into this rant as you obviously get the point that I am a curmudgeon when it comes to food, and at the very least I hope you have been mildly entertained with my digital complaining.
Now If you’ll excuse me, I have Lasagna in the oven.
Thanks for reading. @ me on Twitter.